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Love like a warrior
If there is anything Burning Dan could have taught me with his actions was that life is about loving.
But me, I just…I have hardened myself after all these years. You see, I am an extremely affectionate person by nature, I’m just so fucking unstable. I don’t know. Christian ministers have said I have the gift of ‘discernment’ and psychic-mediums have told me that I am an ‘empath.’ Maybe that’s why I stay away from people. I feel their energies so easily. I mean extremely easily.
I’m afraid to leave my room. Also, I am afraid of people. Maybe this stems from my abuse and forced isolation as a child, but still. I was in contact with few people as a child and many of them hurt me. This must have morphed the way I see people today. I see a stranger and naturally cower into myself like a kitten.
Not to mention if I feel negative energy of someone whom I have let into my life. It paralyzes me. Their energy. My spiritual advisor Bob said I need to practice shield meditation because I absorb all the energy and people unconsciously target people like me. (This could also add up to why I think everybody wants to hurt me…alot of people still do, Ha).
Because of energies in general I have isolated even those that are in my life. I am afraid of them too.
Of course I am social. Of course I overcome this fear daily. I am just still afraid. It’s the way I react by nature. I think people will hurt me. How can I just open myself up and give myself away again?
Now how in the world can I not only get over my fear of people, but allow them to drink from my source of love again? I have so much love within me. So, so, so much! I just can’t handle the pain and negativity. I can’t handle the feeling that I give and am never recharged.
Dan was a hero. The most courageous of them all. He loved like a warrior.
Hinkydonkdick
You hear young people complaining often about getting out of their shit town and finding an oasis where their individualities and creative drives can be nourished. I’d have to second them on this one, only I’d like to get out of this whole corner of the fucking country. That’s right. Cuntry.
Um.
See what I did there?
It has finally come to me. This epiphany. Like Jesus rode his halo down on earth to tell me because it’s more aerodynamic and convenient than riding a damn cloud. That’s how fast it it me. It took a long time, but when it hit me it hit me with aerodynamics. How do I know what aerodynamics feels like? I don’t, and this whole paragraph doesn’t even make any sense. In fact, I can’t even give you a clear definition of what aerodynamics is. It just makes me feel smart saying it and I like the word. Aerodynamics. I don’t even like Jesus, either. Hahah. I just hope mentioning him has made me sound deep and spiritual.
Anyways, most young people don’t know what the hell they want to do or where the fuck they want to go. Wow. That was dirty. Maybe I should clean it up a little. Young people are confused. There. That sounds better. Don’t have to take the morning after pill or anything.
Um.
Anyways.
What?
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!
So…
Well, I don’t know what I want. I mean want is an extreme word, and what I want is always changing so I hide from the word want like it’s commitment or something! I would like to do. There. That’s better. Um. I know what I would like to do with my life. Wait no I don’t…
>.<
Well, what I was saying is I know what doesn’t work for me. I know where I would not like my life to go. Only problem is, where I would not like to go, I am already there. Here. In this…cuntry. Just the corner of it. Baby steps.
I’ve got to get out of this hinkydonkdick town. And this hinkydonkdick corner of the country. I’m going out west looking for gold. Original concept right? It’s where my soul is leading me right now. I’m going out west.
But there is a path to heading out west I must follow.
What I am saying is, I have aim now. I’m not this aimless person anymore. I at least have an idea of what I…would like to do…and in order to do these things I am considering…
-Take care of my health and get in shape
-Learn Spanish
-At least have my college education to carrying around on my back. No one can take that from me.
And that’s pretty much what this whole post has been about….
thank you for…reading?
…….I don’t feel like telling people what I would like to do, yet….
because I don’t know.
But what I want to do isn’t here.
He ain’t fuggin witcha.
birdonwing: Bacchus and Araidne by Guido Reni. As with most renaissance paintings, I love the beautiful deep colours. Though I admit I’m somewhat miffed about Ariadne’s strange expression and gesture. It looks almost as if she is saying “well, duuuh”, or “ugh. Oh well, if I must”. Dionysos looks vaguelly reluctant too -something not quite like the story, but understandable in this case, haha!
ROFL. “Is it there?” He looks emasculated as fuck.
Question from an aspiring photographer about to ship off to the Air Force:
I’d like to send you some photos. you’re a pro though, so i’ll try not to be self-conscious. since you are a pro, i have a novice question: how do you ask people to take their picture? does it get less awkward? do you use…
Only Kurt Cobain could pull of the sex in a dress
burningdan: My cousin Addie told me that for Halloween she’s gonna be a “rock star cowgirl superhero”
This is how I will remember him.
Dionysus
I’ve grown so fucking much since I said this prayer to Dionysus:
claim me, take me, recreate me
To an extent, I believe he works just as intensely as Kali Ma so…
be careful what you pray for, especially since it’s..well, it’s Dionysus. Haha.
Need I explain more?
